We have been moving the cars out of the bays down
there and inviting the pups to join us for play time and
to be with us as we work. Otherwise they wouldn't see
us much as we can easily spend the day down there
working and playing. We throw toys for them and they
run and romp. Teddy is terrified of the basement stairs.
Lil Bit mastered them years ago, Zoe was shown twice
how to navigate them and now runs up and down like a
champ. Teddy is highly jealous.

We saw Kate yesterday, Jan took them to the bank to
change the car into Hilary's name. Hilary heard today that
the loan was accepted. She paid Kate a down payment
which got her out of a couple of bounced check fees.
She royally screwed up her account. Hopefully this 200
a month reduction in her bills will enable her to make ends
meet better. While she walks the mile to work all winter.
Sigh! But she says she does get rides from co-workers.

She has a dog, who has fleas... Kate is dirty.
My daughter lacks personal hygiene. I don't know if I
should say something to her. Her hair was unkempt, her
finger nails dirty... I just don't know what to do to help
her or if I should. She has to find her way. Depression I
think is what is making her not care.

Jan and I have been struggling. I don't feel heard or
listened to most of the time. It's true with others in my
life as well. In one ear and out the other with a nod of
your head. But did you hear me beg for help with the
responsibility of it all? Did you hear me ask for attention
or affection. Because asking is much preferred to nothing.
No pride, remember me? I am the woman you all say you love.
Hear me. Listen to me for a change. Or am I no longer of
interest to you? So there is that feeling of being alone in the
world daily while at the same time I strive to set things right,
to make things perfect for you all.

I am finally starting a new mosaic after over two months of
only home projects after we returned from MI. A couple
of mosaics happened during that time and the wall canvas paper
mosaic, but no real projects to sell. I am doing the monet
garden one first. It felt good to be down there alone today.
Jan is working today and traded a day with someone to be off
tomorrow. There is a popular art show and craft show here
yearly called Praters Mill. Held at an old Mill house a few miles
from here. We always have had a great time there.
Hilary will go with us in the morning for that. We don't want to
buy anything, mostly just see what crafts persons in the area
are doing. The most we will buy is roasted corn on the cob.

The kids toilet is leaking. Into the basement. Seriously lets
just burn down that room and start over. It's not dirty water.
Water from the tank and through the wax ring I think. We could
just replace that, but the damned thing runs like mad unless you
wiggle the handle just so, so we will buy a new water saver one.
As soon as the money allows that is. That isn't this month.
But it is just a drop of water a minute or two....for now. shit.
It's always something.

Jan's hospital is having a expensive black tie affair... as a joke
she signed up to win tickets. Like I plan to buy a formal gown.
And what would she wear? A tux is all she would feel comfortable
in. Certainly not a dress. Well she won the tickets.
250 dollars each! A friend wants to buy them. Fine with me!
400 sounds reasonable to me.

That would buy a toilet and me some much needed glass too!
I still haven't gone for glass and needed to two months ago.
But we had all the plumbing issues then and then Laura said
she was coming and we laid floors and bought new curtains
etc... for the house. That was supposed to be my glass buying
money but I couldn't do both. One must choose. I did that.
But I also need glass to work and do it well. Soon hopefully.
After that toilet is fixed!

That's all I got, I feel lazy today but I did work a while...
I also took a cute shot of Lil Bit sleeping the morning away.

Lots of new shots in Flickr too.
The kids trying the lathe etc... Jan in love with it all.

I don't actually know anyone in Vancouver besides Adrian's work people and people I've met through homeschooling events. But right over the bridge is Doris, one of my best friends. I've known her for over 8 years now and she's my go-to girl when I need parenting advice. Doris is my WWJD WWDD? person. Having her closeby is going to be amazing.

Jenn, my person, is about 2 hours from me, she is also one of my best friends. She's amazing, she's always honest, even if it's not what I want to hear. She's always there for me, even when I've behaved like an idiot. I kinda love Adam too... but don't tell him that. I've seen Jenn 3 or 4 times already since coming back to the NorthWest. YAY!

Mac is my Mac-n-cheese. She's a keeper too, also one of the bestest. Mac is always good for a debate, a smart-ass remark and a shoulder to lean on.  I love my mac-n-cheese. I find this a great time to address the spelling of her abbreviated name. It's Mac people, not Mack. She's not a Mack truck, she's Mac. There.

My mom is in Seattle, close enough, but not too close. We are getting to be on better terms and I like going up to visit for a couple of days at a time.

These are the people that are closest to me, in more ways than one now.

Then heading south we have Chalaena, my little step-sis in Salem. I haven't been able to see her yet, but as soon as we head south for a weekend in Roseburg we will definately go see her and my nephews and new little niece.

Then on farther down in Roseburg we have Adrians Mom, my favorite in-law of all time. She's the best. We've seen her about 5 or so, times already. I am so lucky to have her in my life.

I have my Sister in-law Cari down there too. She rocks my socks. I can't wait to see her more often!

There's my other family, Amy's family, Jenny, Brandy, Mariah and the rest of that cooky clan reside there. I love being able to visit with them when I visit the area! Now, if Amy would just move back there we'd be set!

There are lots of others in the area of Seattle, Portland and Roseburg that I haven't mentioned, but they are just as important in my life and I'm SO f'ing happy to have them all closer.

Ash, Aimee, Katrina, Karen, Noelle, Shanna & the rest of my Portland girls, where the hell are ya!? Let's get together!

Another cool thing about being back here, John is a great friend of mine and the lead vocals for Quoting Napoleon. Awesome music, made better by amazing vocals. Being here means I get to become a groupie again. YAY! I can't wait to get to see them play!

I'm probably forgetting to mention people here but please don't be upset if I didn't mention you. If you know me, you know I'm a little flakey at times and you should be accepting of that fact. :P

Of course all of this good stuff means that I am missing my girl in Florida, Brenda, like crazy - I can't even listen to my Carrie Underwood cd anymore without balling my eyes out.

Stay tuned my friends... I'm on a roll!

Well, I promised an update so here it is.

First, I have decided to give up all control of our money and give it over to my husband. In the past, he's been a little irresponsible with money, but it's been several years and he says he is ready to take over and I'm more than ready to let him. I hate the stress of it all!!! Well one of the first things, he has started to do is to cut back. His hours have not been the greatest so money has been tight and quite honestly we have been stretching things to the limit so cutting down (which was probably a good idea regardless of his job situation) is the right thing to do. Sadly, one of the very first things to go was my cleaning service. Being that we typically have many many small kids it is sometimes hard for me to find time to do things like spot clean walls and baseboards, clean cupboard fronts, etc...all those things that really aren't essential, but they need to be done (i'm a bit compulsive about cleaning, which is funny considering the messy person I've been for so long). So long story short, it means more work for me and less downtime (aka computer time).

Second, this week started a bit rough. On Monday, my garbage disposal broke..an hour later, Carter was helping me by vacuuming and got the curtain caught in the vacuum and destroyed the belt so the vacuum wouldn't work, then literally an hour after that I went to the car (I was going to run to the store quick) and the battery was dead!!!!

So, on the plus side, my house is pretty clean, my laundry is caught up, homeschooling is going pretty well (I am in the process of switching to a different curriculum though), and I'm actually healthy!!! What are the odds???!!!

Anyway, back to my pages...

As mentioned I'm using the Everyday ribbon throughout this album + a dotted circle clear stamp from Martha Stewart's Monogram & Frame Clear Stamps set. To create dimension I used black ink to stamp ToDaY then silver ink for the next layer.

Love this clock from Heidi Swapp! I just added 2 7Gypsies photo turns for the hands and kept it in place with MM silver brad.

Again to create dimension I used MM square foam sticker to adhere this photo to its matting. I used Marvy Uchida's Giga + Mega Scallop Circle punch for the matting + photo. I need the matting so the picture will not be lost in the page. Throughout this album I'll be using Bazzill Smoothie Chocolate Cream set & Cosmo Cricket's Gretel pp.

Now I'll be working on the other 2 photo pages for Monday. As I go through the days the pics will be lesser so there may be just 2 pages for a day, we shall see... Alrighty, I'm off to my scraptuary, thanks for dropping by. TTFN!

Being a bit of a gypsy, or nomad or whatever you want to call me it's hard to know where is the right place and if we're ready to develop roots. You see, both Adrian and I are people that love a little bit of everything. We love the idea of living on about 15 acres in the middle of nowhere, but we've always said we'd want to be close to a big town or smaller city. The thing is that we both also love the idea of the really urban life too, living in the downtown area that's up and coming, hip and trendy, with the wonderful things the NorthWest is known for. Microbreweries, amazing coffee shops, used book stores and antique shops, I love those things about the downtown areas. I love the idea of walking to these things from my home, saying hello to neighbors and passers-by on the way. Getting back to the 15 acres... we also love the idea of having a sustainable homestead. With a few cattle, chickens, pigs, cock-a-doodle-do and the whole she-bang. I want to be self sustaining! I want to send the kids out to the hen house to collect eggs every morning.

You see why it's hard for us to decide? How do you find something in the middle. People usually can define themselves, put themselves into one of these two boxes - City Girl/Boy or Country Girl/Boy. I want both, dammit! *stomps feet with hands on hips* Why can't I have both? Uh, I can try. I don't know how successful I'll be at that, seems a little far-fetched.

Loving two things at such opposite ends of the spectrum can really bite you in the ass.

So here I am, in this house built in the late 80's, in a neighborhood where everyone has a pretty fair sized lot, we have about .25 acre to spread out on. The elementary is within walking distance, it's actually IN my neighborhood. Last night I was sitting in the kitchen, it was incredibly quiet, girls went to bed early and I was on the puter, I heard the strangest sound. It was a marching band, like a high school marching band. A smile graced my face at that sound. Why, you ask? Why would I LIKE to be hearing those sounds at 8pm on a Thursday night, from my kitchen window?

I had to ask myself why as well. Why is it that when I open the drapes in the living room I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. This is not what I thought my dream house/property was. I really thought it was on 15 acres somewhere. Not in suburbia. Not in McNeighborhood. I am so taken by surprise, but have such delight over this.

I think it's because of my childhood. I think it's because as a child I always lived in the more run-down looking places. We almost always had a house, but it was never a nicer one with a nice fenced backyard and fresh paint and newer appliances. I think this is the house I dreamed of living in as a child. It's from the late 80's and at that point I was around 10-13 or so I suppose. It was new then, it was new when I wanted this kind of lifestyle so badly. The family with the Suburban in the driveway, the Dad tinkering in the garage and Mom puttering in the kitchen and the family dog roaming the fenced back yard and the kids climbing the tree in the yard. Soon there will be kids, many kids I imagine, dressed as pirates and princesses, ghosts and goblins gracing my front doorstep soon. Then there will be Christmas lights glowing throughout the neighborhood. *sigh* Normal Stuff.

The "normal" families had homes like this. When I look down deep, this has got to be the answer to why I am so damned happy in this house. The answer to why I am so damned happy at the sound of a marching band, telling me those normal kids are at the football field just around the corner, close enough to hear their screams of delight for the winning touchdown.

Deep shit.

I think I found it. I think I don't ever want to move again. I can have a garden, heck, there's already a greenhouse here. I need another bedroom eventually, but that can wait until later after we buy this place, like normal families buy instead of renting lifelong. After buying it, we'll remodel and add that bedroom, like normal people do. I'll even put chickens in my yard to feed that homesteading fire. I can still send the kids out for eggs.

Eventually, I'll even make it into the gosh-darned phone book. This is my dream for now... and I'm livin' it Baby.

Over and out.

Got a mail from daddy today (he's in Malaysia right now) and he sent me some pictures and movies of the house that he is thinking about buying - and the house is really cute! It's pretty expensive though, because it's in a nice neighbourhood. If he buys it.. wow, I think I'm gonna fly there with some friends sometimes.. When I have time for that. My life is at the moment very messy and I've got tons of things to do. Sparetime is but a memory. Right now for example, I'm reading through 38 mails that I got yesterday and today from people who would like to work extra, that means that I'm getting an assistant. I can't possible find time to do all my errands myself.. I noticed that this week, so I just wrote somewhere that I was looking for an assistant. And there's a lot of cool people who would like to be my assistant. It's both people I've met before and some that I've just heard about.

So I'm very excited about that. Just someone who can keep track of all my mails, keep order of all my papers, books and so on. Would be nice to just have someone who can arrange my life a little bit. I'm only doing this because I need more time for my family and my friends, and I would love some sparetime. Just do things that I really love, or just chill out for once. I'm doing so many things right now, you can't even imagine. Today was actually a pretty calm day, but there's still so many things I didn't have the time for today. Life is too short.

06.00-07.00 Shower, breakfast
07.00-08.00 Gym, and then off to school
8 am-1.00 [pm] School
1.30-2.15 Meeting up for lunch with some manager (who wants ME to work as an aerobic instructor at their gym!)
2.30-3.20 School
3.30-4.30 Dance practice (I love it!)
4.30--> Quick shower and here I am, in a red dress with my red lips. I'm going to have dinner with my former boss (at the club) and his wife at a quite fancy restaurant. So I had to dress up a little. His wife wanted to meet me because my boss had said so many great things about me. I don't mind that at all, and I think it's gonna be pretty cool. But I have to get back home by 8 or 9 so I can do some homeworks and have a night off today. I'm not gonna do shit tonight..

I gotta hurry now!

Long weekend, thank god for jewish holidays, I am not jewish. But its like Easter for Jewish people, an excuse to get out of school that doesnt involve them. Its just like a meaningless holiday for them.

But, that doesnt mean I have it all easy, I have homework, laundry, and jobs for taking/bathing my smelly puppy. Oh the joy. I need to get a job so I have an excuse to get out of this kinda stuff. Until I do I will be posting posting posting.

And definetly loving loving *wordpress*, which is my only online journal thank god! What a savior it is

失望, 傷心
你為什麼這麼講, 你們憑什麼這樣想？
你明明知道我們的難過
你知道原因, 我以為你會了解
原來是我太自做多情

我有被利用被消費的感覺
不歡迎你們繼續這樣不appreciate我和我家人的付出

難道真的是我過份自以為是？
我們愛彼此, 因為我們曾經必須相依為命, 只有彼此
你們竟然用這樣的名義傷害我們
什麼寬闊的胸襟, 為什麼不自己留著用？
我們三個什麼時候是這樣的討人厭...?

委屈和憤怒的眼淚

愛的反面不是恨
而是冷漠

想念那些真的愛我們的人
信哥雅恵姊你們趕快來嗎...

We understand not how a simple thing related to the past can turn out to be monstrous when it comes to torturing us and we feel like stuck in the quicksand of real trauma... We go deeper as we try to get out out of it! Mental torture!

Words like 'harmony', 'peace', and 'satisfaction' seem ridiculous to us... We feel like these words are mocking us which makes us abhor them all in response. This is why we don't see them again in our lives, I suppose?

Lucky are they who have remained quite 'transparent' throughout their lives... Far better to remain hungry than have worms and, as a result, suffer a lot!!

Alas! How helpless are we... Why? Oh, why? If only we could change the past! How strange. How it hurts! Even God can't change the past??

But, 'who am I to question why'?

Yet, I conceive it in my chest: if only we could change the past!

The other fun thing that happened today is that I picked up my two diamond rings from the jewelers where they had been repaired.  My wedding ring needed a more secure mounting for the big diamond in the middle, and my sapphire and diamond ring (a Christmas present from JJ four years ago) needed a new small diamond, as one had been lost.  Now my rings are all shiny and new again, and my wedding ring looks just as brilliant and sparkly as the day I first put it on:

My nails don't look as good, however.  I have never been one known for having good-looking nails, but the One Day of her whole life where a girl would like to have her nails looking good, mine did.  I am content.

(The funny thing is that I never even thought to get my nails done before my wedding!  I just don't think of those things.  However, there happened to be a little lag time at the salon where I got my hair done, and I asked if it was possible for me to get my nails done while I was waiting.  And, by sheer luck, they had an opening!  It worked out perfectly!  So, that is the one and only french manicure I have ever had done, and what a perfect day for it!)

I should be happy because a day before that I passed the CSC Exam.

It downed on me though that there is a huge possibility that my life would be perennially boring.

Wake up, go to the office, attend aerobic class, watch tv and sleep.

i want a better life.