A quick disclaimer by Dark Spartan

Hey, Dark Spartan here. Just figured I’d throw this out there before tens of you leave comments along the lines of “fuck you, two of my friends died in 9/11.” We are all aware that the terrorist attacks of September 11 were terribly tragic for all involved, especially those who lost loved ones on the planes and in the towers. You have my condolences, I imagine that it can’t be easy. Anyway, please be aware that this is all a satire of this idiot’s essay on the 9/11 attacks, and not a satire of the attacks themselves. Please try not to be stupid. Kthx.

Original File Download

n00bguy: The text of the 'essay' (if you can call it that) follows:

**** RUGGELS

September 11, 2001 was a horrible tragic that will never be forgotten. It was the morning of Tuesday September 11, 2001 at 8:46 am. When a surprise attacked shocked the world. Out of nowhere a jet 747 aircraft carrier crashed into on The World Trade Center, and another plane demolished the second tower several minutes later at 9:02am. Everyone was in total dismay, and thought that that would be it and it was just an accident. They were wrong. Another plane comes souring by and crashed into the Pentagon at 9:37 am, in Arlington County, Virginia near Washington, D.C. Later in the afternoon, a Fourth jet engine carrier goes out of . control and the passengers of the Flight 93 tried hard to gain control back of the plane, but the hijackers would not let them. Suddenly, the plane crashed in a field by Somerset County, Pennsylvania at 10:03 am. There were 19 hijackers and 2,973 people dead. That includes the people in the buildings too. Although 24 people were left missing and just pronounced dead.

The fire of the South tower burned for about an hour before falling to the ground at 9:59 am. The North tower burned in flames for 102 minutes before falling at 10:28 am. The hijackers of the planes used knives and box-cutters to kill the flight attendants. Also, tear gas and peppers spray was used. Bomb threats were used on 3 of the planes but not the fourth.

Safely on the airplanes and airports are taking control by having International civilian air traffic was not be able to land on U.S soil for 3 days because of these outrageous attacks. Also, the emergency alert system was never activated during the attacks. I feel that this precaution is called for because, the USA wants to make sure that it is safe to fly. Although, there should have been more days people shouldn't have been able to fly, to be safe that nothing will happen again. CBP investigators are always asking questions to people from countries in the Middle East and other places where Terrorist are active. They arc also making improvements in the investigations by adding more CBP investigators. Security has gotten even tighter, by adding way more airport security staff members and more metal detectors. Sometimes they have to strip search you if you go off in the metal detectors. Still there should be no one going on to the aircraft unless they have been searched fully.

There was also a debate on who could of prevented 9/11 better. Between George W. Bush and John Kerry. And I feel in no contest that John Kerry could have done better, seeing that Bush was president and couldn't prevent it himself. I think it was that the Terrorist did no like George Bush and did what they did to scare him and to see if he could back the USA up more sufficiently, but they knew he could not do that so they felt he was an easier target then George Bush. Kerry on the other hand could have succeeded. In the debate, Kerry even said it him self when they asked the question, "Do you feel you could have prevented the attacks better that President Bush" and Kerry said, "Yes, I do." Kerry states that he would never give a veto to any country over the security, but he knows how to lead strong alliances. Kerry also adds that he has a better plan for home land security than Bush does. That's to be able to strengthen the powers of our military and our intelligence by going after financing more authorities, by expanding out into the Muslim nation. Bush has not done that. Kerry will summit to all the allies. Kerry says that, he knows for a fact that he can do better because he will bring people to the table, make out military staff have better training in defending themselves and be more prepared for voting. When Bush talked about it he said that, "September 11 changed how people look at America." He tells us that, to this day we done nothing but try to keep this world we live in safer. But too me that's a lie because still there's always bomb threats and stuff. He says that we must take threats seriously before they happen again, but threats happen all the time. Just because Hussein is in a prison sell does not mean the world is safer, because there's other terrorist out there, but no Bush feels that America is much safer because he is in prison. I laugh at that. Too me, Bush is just all together lazy and has no determination. He does as little as possible to protect the USA me myself I do feel that Kerry could have prevented 9/11 better. Bush has made a lot of misjudgments and there is also a debate about that. All in All George Bush is not a good president and i am glad after this year he is done.
9/11 was very scary and some people didn't even care, because all they care about is themselves. All they know is that they didn't die so there ok. I remember when they day it happened I was in school. It was like second period and T was an office aid. AH of a sudden I hear on a security guards walkie-talkie that a plane is very low. I got really worried. Like I didn't understand why they would say that and then it clicked maybe the plans going to crash. So I went to the office and asked what happened and they told me about the plane crash. So I went home and watched the news. I feel really bad for the people's family members that were involved because I don't know anyone and I feel bad.
What I would do is make all the airports have more security officers and A lot more metal detectors. If anyone goes off they should be taken in a separate room and be strip searched. They should only allow so many people on a plane at one time and make sure people are safe. This world is a dangerous world and there should be no reason for it I don't see why we cant just live in peace. But no we have to live in worry. Like what is going to happen next. No Knows it could be anything. In this world, all there ever is shootings and bomb threats and so on... I just hope that one day we will get a president that can change lives and make all people less violent. September 11 was one of the scariest moments in my life and the point I want to make is that all people should take more precaution with things and not be afraid of people, but be afraid of what they can do, because people can do some stupid thing just to get you ready for more. Just like those Arabs.

(Formatter's Note: Not editor's note. I didn't change any of the above text (one exception, keep reading), just put it in a font/size/format suitable for web page integration. I didn't even read it. I don't want to. I feel sullied enough just doing this much. This poor person (who has now gained Internet infamy) wrote what you see above TO THE LETTER. AND HE WAS PERFECTLY SERIOUS! I actually felt bad enough for him that I starred out his first name. I need to go shower now. Probably a chemical shower. And other decontamination procedures. And maybe burn off all my skin for good measure. Then again, I don't think even fire can purify this putrid conglomerate of literary and political stupidity somehow congealed into a single, only-remotely-coherent (if that) mass of words that somehow manages to insult everything I know about the English language while simultaneously killing thirty brain cells PER LETTER. That is a frigging RECORD. To sum it all up nicely in three little words provided by (ironically) kittens that could speak, DO NOT WANT!)

(Second Formatter's Note: The last three words above (and their associated punctuation) are also to be applied to WordPress' visual editor. At least, by my standards.)

Credits:

Author: Mr. Ruggels

Photoshop Artists: F00GLEMAN, Dark Spartan796

Editors: Rockmanneo12

Formatter: n00bguy

Moral Support and Nitpicking: Shadou

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